Down Syndrome Friday – Protecting vs Inhibiting

I’m torn.

With Cody going into Kindergarten next year, I have been having a battle within myself trying to figure out what the best course of action is for him. Do I continue with him in Special Education where I know he will be well watched after and his specific needs will be met? Do I fully mainstream him into a “typical developing” class?

My gut tells me to try to do full inclusion because I think he will be fine. At the same time, my heart tells me that a typical kindergarten classroom is 1 teacher to 30 students and Cody will get lost somewhere in the shuffle or have a hard time adjusting to such a large class full of children still learning to adapt to curriculum, expectations and possibly for some, dealing with the anxiety of being in an educational environment for the first time.

I am probably over thinking this, right?

Recently, HBO premiered a documentary titled Monica and David, in which they follow the couple on their first year of marriage. Though I have not watched it yet, I have been reading and hearing about it from friends.

Monica and David happen to both share the same designer gene Cody sports.

One of the most powerful statements that I read was one from Monica’s mother:

“as parents, we want people to look upon our children with special needs like anyone else…And yet because we want to protect them so much, we are typically the first ones who treat them poorly by subconsciously denying them their rights to have a normal life.”

Honestly, when I read that, I cried. <okay, so I cry quite a bit, but this was for good reason. :)  > It made me look at myself and wonder if I do things because it is in Cody’s best interest or because I am trying to protect him. How do I figure out when my decisions are based on which reasoning? How do I turn off the protective mother instinct that wants to make sure that Cody is not hurt, offended, discouraged, challenged beyond his capabilities or worse, not accepted. I know I can’t fight every battle for him, but  how do I convince myself of that?

When I read the quote from Monica’s mom, it brought me back to my mental battle over selecting which educational road would be in Cody’s best interest.

When I voiced my concern to someone recently, she told me something that made me feel slightly better. She said that Kindergarten is a stepping stone into his education. Whether or not he is in a special education class or a typical developing class for Kindergarten will not affect his success in education. Migrating him to become fully included in a typical developing class can be a goal instead of a requirement. 

She made me feel better and not so pressured (though the pressure was coming from myself) to rush him into full inclusion.

When DJ was in Kinder 2 years ago, the class sizes were 20 students to 1 teacher. If that were still the case, I would be more inclined to lean towards full inclusion. But to tell the truth, I would be scared to put my “typical developing” child into a class of 30 kindergartners.   It just seems like a sink or swim situation.

I would love to hear what other parents have done to lay the groundwork for fully mainstreaming their children. I know we have many IEPs ahead of us and I would love any advice on how to make the most out of the IEPs and most especially, to know what I should be fighting or not fighting for when it comes to Cody’s education.