Last week, someone started their conversation with “can I ask you something personal about your son?”.
Most of the time, I know what this is leading to.
She had just met Cody the previous week. She knew nothing about his history, diagnosis or anything so I had an idea where this was going.
She then said “I don’t mean this the wrong way, but is there something wrong with your son?
“He has Down Syndrome, if that is what you’re asking.”
She comes from a different culture and had no idea what Down Syndrome was so I explained it to her.
“Can I ask you another question?”
“Of course".”
“What do you think when you look at him"?”
I have NEVER been asked that question before. Knowing she meant no harm or disrespect with her question, I told her that I saw nothing but love, innocence and my son.
“Does everything that come with Down Syndrome ever get to you? How do you deal?”
Knowing that she has medical issues that she was dealing with, I know that she asked this as a means of finding out ways to cope with her own issues.
I told her that I know she doesn’t see a light at the end of her tunnel and that is what is stopping her from enjoying life now. Stopping her from enjoying the present, the every day moments.
She asked me how I manage to always have a smile on my face.
I don’t know. I think I am just programmed that way. :)
Honestly, though, after going through the heart surgery, the hospitalization for bronchiolitis and everything in between and after, I think if I hadn’t been able to smile through it all, I would be broken.
No one teaches you the internal mechanism for coping with stress or depression. They can counsel you until they are blue in the face, but for me, the only way to cope with situations is to accept it and move forward with a positive outlook.
She asked if there were times where I feel drained. Bet your bottom dollar, I do. I’m a mom not superwoman. ;) The anxiety of not being able to control situations that are currently non-existent is draining. It is almost a daily battle in my head to remind myself that I need to stop worrying about conflicts that I am not even facing (for example, worrying about Cody’s kindergarten experience – if it will be stressful for him – when I know it will be more stressful for me than him and he will just be happy to be at school active with his friends).
In the end, I purposely surround myself with people with the same positive outlook that I have for my family and life. Smiling and laughing are the best medicines for my soul and I hope that soon, my friend will realize the same for herself.
