Did You Know?

I think one of the first questions I get asked when people find out Cody has Down Syndrome is “did you know?”. I always tell them yes, but I do not tell them that I think I knew before I really knew.

Yes, I found out on December 28, 2005 at about 22 weeks pregnant that Cody had Down Syndrome, but I think I new that before even the medical tests confirmed it.

I used to drop off and pick up my cousins’ kids from school. And almost daily before and after school with the crowd of parents filtering in and out of the school there was one baby boy that always stood out to me. I was not sure what drew me to him, but whenever I would see him pass by in his mother’s arms I would just watch him and think he was beautiful and that I just felt drawn to him. So much so that I would mention him to my husband and cousins and that I had to introduce myself to his mother so I could say hi to him.

That little 10 month old had Down Syndrome.

During a Thanksgiving visit to my folks’ house I picked a book out from my mom’s collection (something I always did when I visited). The book was The Memory Keeper’s Daughter by Kim Edwards.

I did not get very far in the book. When I got to the part of his shame over his newborn daughter’s Down Syndrome I stopped reading. It bothered me…A LOT. I figured it was because I was pregnant and overly sensitive.

The following month I went to my monthly doctor’s appointment and took the recommended AFP test and thought nothing more of it.

Within days, my doctor had called to say that he wanted me to do further testing because the test came back with a 2% chance for Down Syndrome. 2% meant that there was a 98% chance that he did not have Down Syndrome.

I had an amniocentesis done and again, thought nothing of it. There was only a 2% chance, right? The amnio and any chance of Down Syndrome were the furthest thing from our minds. We never discussed it because we honestly did not think they would find anything.

On December 28th I received the call from my doctor. You know something is wrong when the first thing the doctor tells you is “I have some important news to tell you. You may want to sit down if you are not already.” My first thought (because I am silly like that) was “REALLY? People say that in real life and not just in movies and TV shows????” Then he gave me the news. Our son has Down Syndrome, more specifically Trisomy 21. My husband had a look of wonder as he watched me sitting on the steps holding the phone in my hand and bawling. I did not know how to tell him. So I just said it out loud…and we cried.

I cried. I cried for days. I mourned the idea of a “normal” child. I wondered why.

One of the first options they give you after telling you your child has Down Syndrome is that you have the option to terminate. My husband had told me that “the easiest decision to make is the one when the baby is not born yet, but how do you know if that is the right decision?”

I would have never been able to live with myself if I terminated for a vain reason. Down Syndrome is a condition, not a death sentence.

As a mother with a child already I knew my life was great with DJ. I did not want to NOT know how great life would be with Cody.